Aug 315 min read

Navigating a Parent's Heroin Addiction (and the fear of them overdosing)

Growing up I felt I must be the only child with a parent addicted to heroin because I couldn’t find anything for children.. and that is still true today for so many ...

Note: This blog was made by Penelope Red, a peer who has grown up with a parent’s addiction. Penelope has self published her book, Consequences Beyond Belief. Where she shares the rollercoaster of emotions and experiences related to her experiences.

Content warning: this blog contains sensitive information about a parent overdosing. Please take a pause moment here and return another time if your heart needs a break.

Hope after healing from parental addiction

Deep breath. I grew up with a mom and stepdad who have a heroin addiction. Nobody talked about heroin when I was growing up and still today, even saying the word feels so taboo. Even friends and acquaintances who were dealing drugs at one point in my life were surprised to learn of my parent's use, it seemed even they wouldn’t talk about it-it being heroin. The stories on heroin only seem to concentrate on the people who are houseless and unemployed and who get mixed up in petty crime. But my mum didn’t fit in that bracket so it felt impossible to find any validation, support, or guidance.

“I remember searching [online] to learn about heroin. Imagine being a young girl reading about heroin, and all you find is:

risk of overdose and death is high
possession can get up to 7 years in prison, an unlimited fine, or both.

There is a lot of information there, but generally, it’s scary! I was so scared of telling anyone incase my mum lost her job or went to jail and it would be all my fault…

As a young child, I remember sitting on the edge of my bed with the door ajar and I’d watch the ambulance team support my stepdad after he would overdose in the bathroom. I knew the paramedics saw me, but they never said or did anything. I understand they are so overworked, I understand a lot of things, but I don’t understand why I had never been offered support. I wonder what would have happened if one of them had connected me to a safe space, even just once throughout the many times I watched them work.

Still today, I know there is a high chance my mum might overdose. Every time she doesn't pick up the phone, or I don't hear from her in a while, my heart sinks…

For such a long time I thought if I ever was truly honest with her about how much her addiction has affected me it would push her to overdose intentionally. The fear, worry, and guilt can be overwhelming.

And today, with the toxic drug supply, overdose doesn't just mean taking too much, like so many people think. If you get a stronger batch than you expected, and take the same amount but the percentages are different than your usual dose, that can cause someone to "overdose". My mother was always openly confident at the fact she wouldn't overdose, she knew 'how much her body needed'. With a toxic drug supply now, it irritates me how many people have suffered from an overdose, and how many young people have watched it happen, believing they are safe.

Today with the toxic drug supply, as an adult child to a parent addicted to heroin, my thoughts can’t help but go to thinking about what I would tell people if [my mum] did overdose. Do I lie and say it was a heart attack? That’s stigma for you…

As my relationship with my mother is strained, I don't see her as often anymore, so I am left wondering how many days would she be left there if she did overdose? and should I check on her daily, or weekly just in case?

And even as I am looking online right now to try and buy drug tests for my mum, the information is only about buying them for your children, as though parents couldn’t possibly do drugs, or that children of parents with an addiction wouldn't want their parent to be safe while using.

It brings me back to being a kid in school. I’d search for some kind of help on what to do. When I would come home from school, I would google for information and it was so sparse. At school, we were signposted to a government funded platform for young people to find help on various mental health issues related to drug use. There are three categories that you would have to pick from based on your concern - “Worried About: A friend; the pressure of taking drugs; your child”. I felt I must be the only child with a heroin-addicted parent because I couldn’t find anything for children.

Today, these are still the many thoughts and fears that go through my mind, and I am no longer a child sitting at the stairs watching the ambulance reverse an overdose. I’m a young adult, but these experiences don’t just go away...and neither does the stigma or shame.

A lot of people say to me, “But it made you stronger, look at you now”. I didn’t need to be strong; I needed to be a child.

So to my peers who are navigating this space right now while trying to heal, I tell you, you are not alone, please take my story as proof. Please take it day by day. I have had so many messages including somebody saying that they can sleep better knowing they are not alone in what they have been through because of me sharing my story. So, maybe that’s just it? It feels so lonely and isolating, making many of us afraid to share, yet we find support in sharing and in the knowing that we are not alone that comes from it.

Yours Truly,

Penelope Red

Starling's Peers suggestions to manage your mental health and the worry of a parent overdosing:

Keep naloxone with you and in the house:

Find a place, like a pharmacy, that distributes naloxone in your area (you should be able to get it without a prescription or without permission from a doctor.
- Naloxone (pronounced na-LOX-own) is a fast-acting drug used to temporarily reverse the effects of opioid overdoses.

Know the signs: