Content warning: This blog discusses parental substance use and suicide. If you do not have the emotional capacity to read it right now, please, rest up, and come back later, and please know, you are NOT alone.
To the individual who has seen too much, too soon:
If you’re reading this, we want you to know that your experience matters, and you’re not alone in carrying the weight of growing up with a parent's substance use challenges, and for many of us, witnessing a parent’s self-harm or suicide attempts.
These are painful realities that no one should have to face, especially at a young age—and it's something we rarely talk about. Yet, here you are—here WE are-surviving, navigating the complex emotions, and doing the best we can with what we've been given.
But we shouldn’t have to carry it all alone.
If you're like us, you may have felt helpless, wondering how you could have prevented your parent’s pain or made things better. Maybe you are still on a rollercoaster of wanting to keep your parent safe, but at the same time, needing respite. Maybe you were told their struggles weren’t your responsibility or you were encouraged to reach out for help, so you did, but the weight still landed on your shoulders.
If you're like us, you might have felt responsible for the pain your parent carries, maybe because you've been told it's your fault, or you've assumed it based on the lack of care shown for your feelings. And perhaps, in your own dark moments, you’ve felt hopeless, thinking there’s no way out of the pain. You might have even had thoughts of wanting to escape it all—thinking that life would be easier without it.
But here’s the truth: none of this is your fault. The sadness you’ve witnessed, the harm you've endured, the secrets you've carried, and the feelings you’ve struggled with, none of it defines you, even when it feels like they shape so much of who you are.
It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, love, frustration, even hopelessness—all tangled together. You might wonder, “Why wasn’t I enough for them to stay?” or “How do I make sense of this when it hurts so much?” These questions are real, but remember that your parent’s struggles, and your own, were never about your worth. Mental health challenges and addiction can distort a person’s ability to see the love around them or to make caring decisions that align with that love.
There’s no quick guidebook for dealing with the pain that comes from seeing someone you love hurt themselves, for reaching out for help and experiencing harm, or for handling the times when you feel like you can’t keep going either.
If you are like us, maybe you’ve found ways to cope—whether by distancing yourself, taking on more responsibilities than you should, or pretending everything is okay when it’s not. Or maybe you’ve had moments where the weight felt so heavy that you didn’t know how to move forward. All of these responses are normal. Your brain is trying to protect you, creating some sense of safety in a world that can feel unpredictable and unsafe. Don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed for needing rest, for feeling grief and anger, for taking time away, or for asking for help. We know how hard it is, please know you are not alone!
Be gentle with yourself. Know that every time you take a step to care for yourself, to acknowledge your feelings, or to reach out for support, you're reclaiming your story. You’re creating a future that isn’t defined by the pain of the past but by the strength within you.
“Listen to yourself, write down the hard times, the challenging moments, get them out - not just at home but moments happening everyday.” Your peer
You are worthy of love, care, and peace. Even if the road to healing feels overwhelming, you don’t have to walk it alone. Take it one moment at a time. Rest, give yourself permission to experience JOY and love. And always remember, YOU are enough, even in your darkest moments, and you always were.
Your peers.
Read more words of encouragement: https://www.starlings.ca/letters-from-peers
or share your words of encouragement: https://www.starlings.ca/letters-from-peers
Find more of our stories of hope and healing here: https://www.starlings.ca/peer-library
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