Aug 213 min read

Breaking the Cycle of Isolation after Losing a Parent to Alcohol Overdose

Every year on August 31st, we observe International Drug Overdose Awareness Day - a day to remember, without stigma, those we’ve lost to overdose, acknowledge the grief of families and friends, and raise awareness about the impact of stigma on individuals and communities.

This day is typically associated with the loss of individuals to drugs other than alcohol, but it’s crucial to remember that alcohol overdose is also a part of this grim reality, often overlooked in the broader conversation.

I was sixteen when my dad passed away from an alcohol overdose - that was my first heartbreak, one that left me grappling with feelings of loss and confusion. As a child, I often imagined my father breaking free from his addiction and coming back to us as a father who could be there for us, fully present and unclouded by alcohol. The chances were slim, but as a young girl, I clung to that hope. But the burden of carrying that secret hope—of loving someone who had an addiction —isolated me further in my grief.

I know now that I am not alone in these experiences. The stress of living with a parent who struggles with addiction is overwhelming for many of my peers. It’s a weight that’s often carried in silence, and can lead to feelings of betrayal, shame, and the heartbreaking decision to distance oneself from a loved one’s struggles. I know this pain all too well; it cost me the chance to say goodbye to my father at his funeral, a moment I regret missing to this day. Being there could have given me the closure I’ve longed for.

Reflecting on my journey, I realize that my own struggles were compounded by societal stigma. Diagnosed with Bipolar 1 disorder this past April on the tenth anniversary of my dad’s passing, I was forced to confront the parallels between my struggles and his. He was desperate for an escape in a society that stigmatized both his mental health issues and his addiction.

Growing up in a religiously conservative environment in Pakistan, I experienced the stigma surrounding substance use, which severely limited access to support for both my father and me. My father’s addiction was seen as a moral failing, which led to judgment rather than help. This stigma trickled down to us, his children, making it difficult for me to express my feelings or seek support. The shame associated with his addiction meant that our struggles were kept hidden, leaving us isolated and without the emotional or psychological support we needed.

We need to break the cycle of isolation. A safe space—a place where our emotions can be expressed without fear of judgment—can be a lifeline. It allows us to process pain, share experiences, and find comfort in knowing that we are actually not alone. Peer support can break the cycle of isolation, offering understanding and empathy that might otherwise be missing.

So, as we reflect on International Drug Overdose Awareness Day, let’s remember that behind every statistic is a family, a child, and a story. This day is about understanding that addiction is a complex issue, often intertwined with mental health struggles, and that support systems are crucial for those trying to heal. Alcohol overdose is a reality that many might not immediately associate with this day, but it’s part of the story too - a story that needs to be told and heard for the many peers, like myself, who lost a parent to it.

As one of my Starlings Peers reminds me, “Although it feels lonely and dark, there are many people going through similar experiences. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to express them—whether you’re mad, angry, sad, or scared. You don’t always have to put on a brave face. We are doing the best we can, and that is more than enough.”

You are more than enough.

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Please check out these links to be reminded of the community of peers who understand.

Starlings Peer Library:

Starlings Peer Library (information on parental addiction, stress, caregiving and more: https://www.starlings.ca/peer-library

Trying to Understand Addiction: https://www.starlings.ca/parental-addiction

All about Caregiving for a parent with a download to a free resource: https://www.starlings.ca/caregiving-for-a-parent

Ask a Peer a Question:

https://www.starlings.ca/q-a

Past Starlings blog on overdose/ Toxic drug supply: https://www.starlings.ca/post/losing-a-parent-to-a-toxic-drug-supply

External Links:

Kids help phone: https://kidshelpphone.ca/